Rinker on Collectibles

RINKER ON COLLECTIBLES — Column #92

All Toilet Paper Is Not Created Equal

If you have traveled abroad or used an outhouse, you are aware of one basic truth—all toilet paper is not created equal. What a perfect excuse to collect it.

On the surface, collecting toilet paper need not be an expensive hobby. Select pilfering from public restrooms and friends’ bathrooms will provide enough examples to begin a collection. Of course, if you travel abroad to obtain examples, the costs increase considerably. However, I discovered that once my friends found out that I have a toilet paper collection, their desire to enhance my collection with their personal contributions simply caused examples to roll in.

I became aware of the collectible potential of toilet paper in the late 1970s when I learned about a woman who was appearing on the Women’s Club lecture circuit talking about the wide assortment of toilet paper that she encountered during her travels. She charges a fee for her presentation and did not seem to lack bookings. She obviously was cleaning up.

After resisting the urge to follow suit for almost a decade, I simply gave up and began my own toilet paper collection. My initial beginnings were modest. I wrote to several German friends and asked them to send me some examples of German toilet paper. Udo, my friend in Hamburg, outdid himself. Among the examples he sent was toilet paper from the German railroad.

A close examination of the light gray textured paper revealed that each sheet was stamped “Deutsche Bundesbahn.” This says something about the nation’s character. The German railroad administration is so concerned about a roll of toilet paper that they find it necessary to stamp their name on every sheet so that if someone takes some and uses it outside a train bathroom, the user is pointedly reminded that they are, in essence, using stolen property.

The ridiculousness of the German railroad administration is surpassed by the English government. When you use the public restrooms at government museums throughout England, you quickly notice that each sheet of toilet paper is marked “Official Government Property.” What a subtle way to recognize that your tax dollars are at work.

The U.S. military now issues its field troops camouflage toilet paper. It seems the Viet Cong used mounds of used white stuff to track our troop movements during the Vietnam War. What happened to the good old, collapsible GI Shovel?

Since toilet paper collecting is in its infancy, now is an excellent time to create rules concerning how to validly accumulate this important new collectible. For example, how many sheets are necessary to have a valid example? Ideally, I suggest four to six; but, a minimum of two, one to keep in mint condition and the other to record the time and place of acquisition, will do in a pinch.

Do you collect single sheets or the entire roll? This is a tough one. I started out by collecting sheets. Then I began thinking about the potential value of wrappers and added them to my collection. Since I had gone that far, I figured why not save the entire roll. When I realized that some rolls were packaged in units of four to six, I was forced to save the entire package. My collection, which originally was meant to be confined to a shirt box, now occupies several large boxes.

Toilet paper collecting provides an engaging topic for cocktail parties and other social gatherings. Everyone has a toilet paper story to tell. I remember the time I had to use the facilities in the basement of the Moravian Archives in Herrnhut, East Germany. The nature of the call required my immediately locating a toilet with no regard to the toilet paper status. Later examination revealed no toilet paper, but rather an old railroad time schedule booklet with some of the pages torn out. As I tore a sheet loose, the ink on the paper came off on my fingers. You can imagine the rest. I should have saved an example, but I wasn’t thinking of toilet paper collecting at the time.

I think everyone should be required to use a farm or camp outhouse at some point in his or her lives. The stories of corncobs and Sears catalogs are true. I know. I remember the concern expressed by my rural relatives when Sears switched to glossy paper stock. I have a number of old catalogs in my collection.

As my toilet paper collection grew, I became fascinated with the composition and variety of designs and patterns of toilet paper. When I first visited Germany in the late 1960s, their extremely coarse gray toilet paper had the quality of sandpaper. It was rough, but you had confidence the job was getting done. In 1987 I found that German toilet paper tastes now matched the Americans’ desire for soft, almost tissue-like paper. The significance of this shift and what it says about the development of the German character should not be overlooked.

As with all my collections, I have some favorite examples among which are a half-roll of toilet paper that a friend brought me from England that has a surface texture equivalent to wax paper and a German aluminum foil package that contains toilet paper moistened and perfumed to act and smell like a Wash & Dry. I have a special box in which I put translucent examples; those you can see through when help up to the light. Their use gives real meaning to the phrase “doubling up.”

Thus far, I have been unsuccessful in locating other serious toilet paper collectors. They exist; there are collectors for everything. If I can locate them, I would be glad to discuss swapping duplicates.

Meanwhile, you can help. The next time your travels in the USA or abroad bring you into contact with the unusual during a period of daily meditation, save a few examples and send them to me. Is there the making of a future museum collection here? Time will tell.

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