Rinker on Collectibles

RINKER ON COLLECTIBLES — Column #1782

Save the Memories First and Other Downsizing Advice

I recently had to provide counsel to a number of individuals who are facing downsizing decisions. A neighbor in our Altamone Springs, Florida, condo building lost his wife of 67 years in 2020. We learned of his loss when we arrived in late October. The couple were snowbirds – a house in Maryland and a condo in Florida. They had become Florida residents a year earlier. Their plan was to live part of the year “up North” and the balance in Florida.

Our neighbor recently decided to sell his home in Maryland and make his Florida condo his permanent residence. Several of his children and their families live nearby, albeit he also has a son living in Virginia and another in Seattle, Washington. Like many adults, his family is no longer nucleated. Deciding where to live was not an easy decision.

Our neighbor’s life is further complicated by the fact that the space in his Maryland home is more than double that of his Altamonte Spring condo. The condo is sparsely furnished, at least giving him the option to move some of the things now in Maryland to Florida.

In our discussions about how he should approach his selection of what to bring to Florida, he explained he was having a great deal of difficulty deciding what he wanted to move, what to give to his children, and what to do with the balance. He summed up his difficulty in a single phrase. “There are so many memories. I wish I could save them all, but I know that I cannot.”

My neighbor’s dilemma is typical. The decision process is agonizing and time consuming. “Yes” and “no” often give way to “I have to think more about this.” Procrastination is the order of the day. Everyone wants to make the right decision. The problem is there are multiple choices and no single right decision.

When asked to do a walk-through appraisal for downsizing purposes, clients want me to value their objects before deciding what to keep, sell, give away, or toss. I refuse to do it. Monetary value is not the important criteria. Memory is.

I have my clients draw up a list of those things they cannot live without, those objects with the strongest attached memories. In one’s old age, there is great comfort and satisfaction being surrounded by memories. Often the objects that evoke the strongest memories do not have high financial value. Downsizing is about emotional and not monetary value.

Memory is individualized. Individuals who share the experience of an event or object often have wildly different memories. A family vacation or an event is not a single memory. It is a composite of the memories of those who participated in it.

It is critical that the person or persons doing the downsizing focus on their personal memories and not the shared memories of others. It should make no difference how others view the object(s). “You are saving that!” is an oft heard expression, especially from children and others who were not part of the memory and have no appreciation for why the downsizer(s) chose to save something. “I chose to save it because I chose to save it” is a more than sufficient explanation. It is no one’s business but the client why he/she decided to save something.

Memory and story are closely related. Every object has a story attached. In the case of my Florida neighbor, he and his wife were members of the “pass it down” generations. Many of the objects they possess came from grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and friends. They remember these individuals and how they used the objects. Their children and grandchildren do not share these memories.

Just like the proverbial buck, memories frequently stop with those who own the objects. In the past, living with objects was a major memory commodity. Currently, most children and grandchildren have little memory association with the things with which they lived while growing up. When my neighbor asked his children what they wanted, most opted for one or two things. They already had everything they needed.

When I take the “Save the Memories First” approach with clients, I often am surprised how small the list is, usually fewer than 20 items. This makes the initial what to save decision relatively easy.

The situation is very different if the individual or couple are collectors. Collecting memories are intense and deeply entrenched. In many cases, the stories involved in acquisition and research are so compelling that the thought of not saving the object is too horrible to contemplate. On more than one occasion, I recommended to clients that they forget about downsizing. There was no way they could fit half of what they wanted to save into the space in which they were planning to downsize.

Once the memory issue is resolved, the next step is to focus on usability. This is easily resolved by asking one basic question: “When was the last time I used the object?’ Normally, I recommend not taking the object if the answer is longer than four months, albeit I have extended to “within the last year” for those who quickly realize that well over 75 percent of what they own does not fall into the “take it with me” category.

Once memory and usability issues are resolved, it is time to look at the potential for continuing long-term collecting value in objects. In doing so, I stress wholesale (a value for which the object can be realistically sold) as opposed to secondary market retail value (what it would cost to buy the object on the open market).

In today’s world, most objects have questionable long-term value. It often pays to sell them now and invest the money received in a more viable investment opportunity. This advice is much easier to give if the individual or couple are not collectors. Collectors have a bad tendency to be unwilling to dispose of objects for less than they paid even when market indicators suggest that the objects will never reach the price they paid in their lifetime.

I would not have many of the things I own had they not been passed down to me by family or friends. As a result, I encourage all my downsizing clients to offer their children the things they are not planning to retain before selling or giving them away.

This can be a tricky situation, especially if a child wants something the client is planning to retain or multiple individuals want the same object that is being left behind. I explain to my clients that the objects belong to them and not to their children. Hence, the clients get to make the final decisions. I have stood by and kept my mouth shut (unusual for me) more times than I can count as clients have given up objects they wanted to keep in favor of “family harmony.”

Downsizing involves moving objects from one location to another. When the move is local and family are willing to help, the cost is minimal. When the move involves interstate transportation, it can be expensive. “Is it worth moving” is a viable question. More often than not, the answer is no. The exception is when the memories are strong. In this instance, move the object(s) regardless of cost.

Who pays to move the things the children want? You do not need a college education to know my answer – the children. Things can get complicated when the granddaughter wants grandma’s piano because she remembers grandma playing it and the piano is in the east and the granddaughter lives in California. Linda and I stored furniture from her mother’s home for over ten years based on an “I want it” claim by a grandchild. The grandchild never came to pick up the furniture. It eventually rotted and fell apart. I learned a valuable lesson. “If you want it, come get it NOW” is the proper approach.

This is the first year Linda and I have spent over six months at our Altamonte Springs, Florida, condo. For the moment, we still plan to alternate between our home in Kentwood, Michigan, and our condo. Linda already is pushing for a permanent move to Florida. There are so many “memories” among my things in Michigan that I cannot even imagine or contemplate such a move. Of course, I never thought I would sell the former Vera Cruz (PA) Elementary School that was my home and office for over 20 years. But, I did.

Harry L. Rinker welcomes questions from readers about collectibles, those mass-produced items from the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. Selected letters will be answered in this column. Harry cannot provide personal answers. Photos and other material submitted cannot be returned. Send your questions to: Rinker on Collectibles, 5955 Mill Point Court SE, Kentwood, MI 49512. You also can e-mail your questions to harrylrinker@aol.com. Only e-mails containing a full name and mailing address will be considered.

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