Rinker on Collectibles

RINKER ON COLLECTIBLES — Column #1726

What is Something Worth When No One Knows How to Use It?

A collector’s life is filled with regrets, a statement that most likely applies to everyone whether a collector or not. Not clipping and saving the hundreds of newspaper cartoon strips and panels with a collecting focus that I read over the years is one of my regrets. Newspaper cartoonists have poked fun at collectors and collecting for decades. Some of their humor strikes close to home. Newspaper cartoons have triggered “Rinker on Collectibles” columns several times. This is an example.

On Saturday, September 28, 2019, the Grand Rapids Free Press ran a four-panel Baby Blues strip. Baby Blues began on January 7, 1990. Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott create and produce it. King Features has distributed since 1995. Baby Blues focuses on Darryl and Wanda MacPherson and the issues involved in raising their three children—Zoe, Hammie, and Wren.

The first panel of the Sept. 28th strip features Darryl and Hammie boxing up material, most likely in the garage. Hammie holds an apparatus and asks: “Hey, Dad, What’s This?” Darryl responds: “That’s An Old Answering Machine.” The second panel shows Hammie talking into the answering machine and asking: “What’s Twelve Times Seven?” In the third panel, Hammie holds the answering machine to his ear waiting for an answer. After receiving no answer, the final panel shows Hammie tossing the answering machine into a box. His expression is one of boredom. His response is: “Not Impressed.”

After printing a copy of the strip for my files, I made a note to write a column focusing on what something is worth when no one knows how to use it. The concept is a twist on the question of what is something worth when no one knows what it is. The two questions are not the same.

My first thought was a scene in the 1986 movie “Crocodile Dundee.” The movie starred Paul Hogan as Michael J. “Crocodile” / “Mick” Dundee and Linda Kozlowski as Sue Charlton. After traveling to Walkabout Creek in Australia to meet Dundee, Charlton convinces Mick to return to New York City with her. After checking into the hotel and being taken to his room, Mick looks into the bathroom. He notices two devices and asks Sue to explain the purpose of the second device beside the dunny (Australian slang for toilet.). Sue tells him to figure it out for himself. The first thing he tries is putting his boot into it. When he turns on the water, it shoots straight up into the air. Eventually, he figures out the use. Mick had no previous experience with a bidet.

I related to the scene the first time I saw it. Neither my parents’ home nor the homes of my aunts or uncles, every motel/hotel at which I stayed at while traveling with my parents, men’s room, or my dormitories at Lehigh University had a bidet. When my first wife and I encountered one, she did not know what it was used for either. How we found out was nearly identical to the elimination process Mick Dundee used.

The antiques and collectibles trade basically is a recycling business. Not every object sold is meant to reside in or on a bookcase, cabinet, shelf, or vitrine. Most of the objects sold in today’s antiques and collectibles market had a utilitarian purpose. They were not meant to be saved. They were meant to be used.

A drinking glass is a drinking glass. It makes no difference how old it is, who made it, from what it was made, or how valuable. If a person needs a drink and a glass is handy and holds liquid, the glass is a functionable object. When doing an appraisal in a living room filled with late 18th-century antique furniture including a period secretary-bookcase with a drop front writing surface and a period Philadelphia Chippendale chair, I pulled down the drop front, sat on the chair, and proceeded to take notes. When the owner came home and saw what I was doing, he was not pleased. He never let his children do this. In fact, he never left his children in the front room. I quickly concluded it made no sense to tell the client that while I appreciated and respected period pieces, I did not worship them. “What’s Its” is a collecting category that includes objects whose use is no longer known.

“What’s Its” are usually tools. During my career, I watched egg beaters, flour shifters, and even a tiny motel/hotel bathroom bar of soap become “What’s Its.”

I recently received a text message from Barb Jersey, owner of Wonder Women Estates Sales that is headquartered at The Gallery in East Lansing, Michigan. A photograph of some type of display/storage rack with wooden posts held together on its four sides with thin wire was attached. Barb asked: “Any idea what this is?”

I am surprised how often I use the Duck identification methodology. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and defecates like a duck, chances are it is a duck. In Barb’s case, her real question was: “For what was this unit used?” I called Barb with my best guesses.

When I encounter objects whose use is unknown, I do not walk away until I do two things. First, I take pictures of the object so I can research it. Curiosity may kill cats. It never kills a collector. I have lost count as to the number of times readers have sent me questions about a small rectangular metal box with one or two folded metal items inside. The first time I saw one, I researched it to discover the device was a traveling collapsible coat hanger. Now, I identify them immediately upon seeing them. Everyone thinks I am Carnac the Magnificent. [Minor Aside: If you not understand the reference, do an internet search and watch a few YouTube videos.] Actually, I am simply a person with a good memory.

The second thing I do is ask a question: “How would I use the object even though I do not know how it was used?” I live for these challenges. Some of my ideas were creative (and, on occasion, correct). Others were duds.

[Major Aside: When asking how an unidentified object might be used, I try to imagine how it might have been used or how I might use it. If I cannot come up with a viable answer, I put it aside. Consider the case of some modern sculptural furniture. First, I am not a lightweight. I am not going to sit on anything that I think will not hold my weight. Second, I am not going to sit on anything that is uncomfortable. The exception is airplane seats which are uncomfortable by definition. A chair is a chair. A chair that is uncomfortable is useless.]

I am a fan of adapting antiques and collectibles when no harm is done to them. The coffee table in my Zionsville, Pennsylvania, home was a pig carcass carrier used during the butchering process. At least, that is what I told visitors. Actually, it was a funeral bier for a child’s coffin.

Although I understand why individuals drill holes through objects such as sewing machines and stoneware vases and use them as lamp standards, I refuse to support this form of object desecration. I would rather see such objects in a landfill instead on a table. Not all kitsch is good kitsch. I am a bit more tolerant of the spray painters who repurpose 1920s and 1930s inexpensive Colonial Revival furniture so long as they leave off the floral and other decals and do not “antique” the finish.

In conclusion, no object is useless unless the owner cannot figure out a use for it. The object’s initial use is irrelevant, which allows me to suggest one final use for the object. If all else fails, the object can server as a decorative accessory conversation piece and be displayed on a table or hung on a wall. When company visits, play the “what would you use this object for” instead of the “guess what this object is” game. The former is more entertaining and certainly will generate more laughter.

Harry L. Rinker welcomes questions from readers about collectibles, those mass-produced items from the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. Selected letters will be answered in this column. Harry cannot provide personal answers. Photos and other material submitted cannot be returned. Send your questions to: Rinker on Collectibles, 5955 Mill Point Court SE, Kentwood, MI 49512. You also can e-mail your questions to harrylrinker@aol.com. Only e-mails containing a full name and mailing address will be considered.

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