RINKER ON COLLECTIBLES — Column #1448

Copyright © Harry Rinker, LLC 2014

Family Value: A 21st Century Perspective

The complaint “the kids do not want my (our) stuff,” which I hear with increasing frequency, causes my hair to stand on end.  The statement is continuing proof that family value, once so highly prized by Americans, is rapidly fading. It is a frightening thought.

Family value will never vanish.  There always will be some individuals who take pride in preserving objects from their family’s past.  The dual tragedies are (1) the percentage of those who care about family heirlooms in relationship to America’s adult population is decreasing and (2) there are no signs that this percentage will reverse itself.  Today’s young adults focus on the present and the future.  The past is their parent’s generation.  They are not interested in being part of it.  The ancient past is the provenance of their grandparents and beyond.

Historically and culturally, elders were respected.  Age was viewed as an indication of wisdom, fortitude, and foresight.  Respect for age is minimal in the 21st century.  I often hear older individuals state that they are changing doctors because they want a doctor who (a) will outlive them and (b) is familiar with the latest medical information and technology.  Just prior to writing this column, I was talking with a librarian from a small Pennsylvania town.  “Say hi to ‘x’ (a prominent member of the community) when you see him,” I asked.  “Who is ‘x’?” she responded.  There is no way elders can be respected if later generations have no knowledge of who they are.

I grew up in a nucleated family – 28 aunts and uncles and 29 first cousins, most whom lived within a five-mile radius.  My great aunts and uncles and second cousins tripled this number.  My mother used to tell me that the Prosser side of the family was related to more than half of the families in Hellertown, Pennsylvania.  Having spent the last several months doing family genealogy, her boast continues to gain credibility.  Family visits, reunions, and continual interactions initially instilled a strong sense of family in my generation.

By the mid-1970s, this changed.  Several of my aunts and uncles retired to Florida.  My cousins scattered across the United States.  The last Prosser family reunion was more than 25 years ago.  As the keepers of the family addresses and telephone numbers died off, cousins and their children became lost.  It has been easier to discover my ancestors’ genealogy than trace the generations that evolved from my Rinker and Prosser grandparents.  I keep reminding myself to collect the information about these “modern” generations while there still are individuals who can provide it.  The problem is that I keep reminding myself but do nothing.

While there are a myriad of reasons why family value has diminished, the 1960s and 1970s social revolutions focusing on encouraging individual independence are one of the primary reasons.  The Beatnik and Hippie cry of “Do Not Trust Anyone Over 30” resonated with the youth of that era.  They did not want to wait for power and material possessions.  They were entitled to them and wanted them immediately.  The Beatniks and Hippies did not understand that when their children were in their twenties, these earlier tenets would haunt them.

Family value is an emotional and sentimental value, not necessarily a financial value. Something that belonged to a great grandparent or family ancestor has little added provenance value unless that person is famous.  In this instance, famous means that if you stopped 100 people on the street, ten or more would recognize the name.

In the past, family value was blood related.  Older family members assumed there was a “preserve the family history” gene unique to their family that passed down from generation to generation.  Elders assumed the next generation would love the family heirlooms equally or more than their ancestors.  This expectation was especially strong from the mid-19th century through the first three-quarters of the 20th century.

In the 21st century, blood in America is no longer thicker than water.  Smaller, scattered families and an increasing generational emphasis on ME rather than others have created a situation where each generation creates its own history independent of a family’s past.  Second and third marriages where children and grandchildren are not offspring of the couple thin the blood even further.  Mine, yours, and ours become highly complex and complicated constructs.  Just ask any appraiser, auctioneer, consultant, or estate sale operator who has to deal with material in an estate in which there are multiple unrelated family heirs.

[Author’s Aside:  Older generations often assume the trends that impact them are new.  They are not.  It is the same old, same old from a different perspective.  While collectors love to research the production and merchandising history of objects, they do not spend a great deal of time researching the individuals who may have owned them.  At some point in time, a person made the decision that a family piece had more financial than sentimental value and sold it.  As a result, objects comprising a collection are hand-me-down, used goods, occasionally expensive used goods, but used goods none the less.

Shortly after purchasing a tall case clock at a family auction in Hellertown in the 1980s, a young man came up to me and said, “You have my grandfather’s clock.”  “No, son,” I replied, “I have my grandfather’s clock.  It is no longer part of your family history.”  As I look back on the incident, I recognize my comment was harsh.  I should have asked him to provide me with the clock’s provenance for my records.  At the time, I did not care.  Now, I have the clock that is mine, but only mine because I know nothing more about it.

Family value is memory driven, a fact that has become increasingly apparent as the 21st century progresses.  However, memory alone is no longer sufficient to maintain that value.  Unless the memory is reinforced constantly, it will eventually fade and be meaningless.  Further, it is essential that the memory be shared generationally.  If not, the next generation sells the family past.

Establishing a firm connection with an ancestor is no longer sufficient.  Identifying an object as belonging to a grandparent, great grandparent, or well-known aunt or uncle falls into the “who cares” category for most young adults.  They never met these people.  They feel no connection.  Typically, the ancestor was an ordinary person with no claim to fame other than his/her existence.  Genealogists focus on names, birth, marriage, and death dates, and siblings.  Once they have this information, they move on.  It is the exceptional genealogist that creates a detailed biography to go with the name.

Memory must have an elaborate story attached to attract the interest of young adults in the 21st century.  My grandchildren will not care about the articles, blogs, columns, and books that I have written.  I doubt if they will take the time to read them.  I used to care about this.  I have learned to accept it.

I plan to select a few objects that have great stories attached to them and share the stories with my grandchildren.  Writers are storytellers, and I like to think I am good at both.  While I should stick to the truth, I am well aware a little enhancement and embellishment goes a long way to make a good story better.  Myth is an integral part of history.

Until my early sixties, I lived in eastern Pennsylvania, in a triangle enclosed by Philadelphia, Easton, and Allentown.  All my ancestors from the time they arrived in America to me are buried in that triangle.  Throughout much of my life, I was rooted to the area, never for one minute dreaming of breaking the “family” connection.  Then, I met and married Linda, whose generational roots are similar to mine.  In spite of these roots, we moved twice – in 2006 to Brookfield, Connecticut, and in 2011 to Kentwood, Michigan.  Each year, much to my surprise, my ties to eastern Pennsylvania lessened.  As the children from our previous marriages scatter across the United States, we have come to accept that we control our retirement destination and that it may not be Pennsylvania’s Lehigh or Schuylkill valleys.  We constantly reconsider what “family” means to us in terms of where we want to live.

Will family value as it relates to objects return to its golden age?  The answer is no.  I would be happier if the answer was maybe, but I am a realist.  I need look no further than my children, Linda’s children, and the grandchildren.  They have little interest in their ancestry, identified only a few family heirlooms they want (and only if we pay for the move so they can have them), and see only dollar signs when viewing the rest.

Given all this, Linda and I might as well live with our family treasures until we die.  They mean a great deal to us.

Rinker Enterprises and Harry L. Rinker are on the Internet.  Check out www.harryrinker.com.

You can listen and participate in WHATCHA GOT?, Harry’s antiques and collectibles radio call-in show, on Sunday mornings between 8:00 AM and 10:00 AM Eastern Time.  If you cannot find it on a station in your area, WHATCHA GOT? streams live and is archived on the Internet at www.gcnlive.com.

SELL, KEEP OR TOSS?  HOW TO DOWNSIZE A HOME, SETTLE AN ESTATE, AND APPRAISE PERSONAL PROPERTY (House of Collectibles, an imprint of the Random House Information Group, $17.99), Harry’s latest book, is available at your favorite bookstore and via www.harryrinker.com.